


lost myself again and i feel unsafe

by reinacadeea



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: 1YearWithRobron, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, robronversary, soulmate!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-04
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-04 21:54:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5349866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinacadeea/pseuds/reinacadeea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Science says finding a soulmate means finding your perfect other half. Every decision must be made in twos, every touch is for them only...</p><p>Or, Aaron and Robert are soulmates and it hurts</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dear fandom 
> 
> I couldn't have this done for you on the 4th of December. I'm just not healthy enough yet. But I cannot let such a momentous anneversary go by without giving you something new. So this is my long-awaited soulmate fic, parted into part one and two. It's set in the summer, before the disaster, but after Cain finds out about the affair. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this incredibly weird fic just as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Love Sydney

 

Soulmates are rare things. That’s the first thing you learn in school.

“If you find a soulmate,” Mrs. Perkins always used to say. “Nothing will tear you apart. It’s the deepest love you will ever feel.”

She also used to say that it’s a 1 of a 1000 chance for it to be you. So he had no chance – that’s how it’s supposed to be.

He lies in bed at night, his heart thumping away while Chrissie sleeps beside him.

“Come on,” he whispers to himself, trying to will himself to sleep. He can’t remember sleeping a full night in ages. It’s not true of course – he remembers almost the exact date when the world became a bit brighter, a bit more focused and clear.

Chrissie has suggested pills, music, special pillows. There is nothing wrong with him. You can’t find a cure for this.

He’s afraid of the day he blurts out Aaron’s name in his sleep or worse when he has sex with his wife. He’s read about it on the internet, people who try to suppress their soulmates. 1 in 1000 finds theirs. It’s lifelong and forever. He’s given up trying to run from it, but he doesn’t want it. He never asked for it.

“You know I’d do anything for ya,” Aaron said one night when they slept together up at Home Farm.

“I know,” Robert had answered, feeling the overwhelmingly painful thug in his abdomen. It’s become his best friend.

 

‘I tried not seeing her,’ some man writes on a forum. ‘But you can’t run from what’s beating inside your chest, your blood. It’s this singing rush every time she smiles, this overwhelming happiness when I touch her and the way I know – really know – that she is the one.’

‘In accordance to §13A in The Compatible Lifepartners Law, court must rule in favour of absolution of any previous marriage upon proof of Compatibleness between Subject CA (Compatible A) and Subject CB. The Law recognizes Compatibleness goes beyond gender and must therefore be treated as equal,’ the five-year-old law says.

 

It would be easy finding a lawyer, going to court and leave Chrissie. Easier than an actual divorce or separation. He’s sat in front of the municipal court five times, his hands sweating on the steering wheel and his heart thumping so hard he thought his chest might burst.

“It can’t be worth it,” he overhears Paddy tell Chas one day. “All that pain all the time. Nothing can matter more than your soulmate.”

Robert thinks of Katie’s dead body and thinks it has to be – otherwise what’s the point been? He stood in the church and forcibly spoke ‘I do’. It’s everything he’s ever dreamed of.

He’s picked up Aaron three times from hospital, too lovesick to breathe properly, looking at him with his brown eyes, pleading him to kiss him, hold him… he does every time Aaron asks for it, relishes it when it happens.

\--

“Have you read this?”

“Hmm?” Robert says distractedly.

Chrissie gives him an annoyed look. “Some couple over in Robblesfield. One died of cancer and the next day her soulmate kills himself.”

Robert coughs. “Why do we care?” he forces out.

“Well, it’s dreadful, isn’t it? Just imagine. The forensics says parts of his brain were unusually dark, almost like he was depressed,” she tells him.

“Right,” he says. “Well, if there is nothing more…”

She shakes her head no and is already back nose-deep in her article.

He escapes Home Farm, driving mindlessly around the fields, trying to resist going to the pub to catch a glimpse of Aaron. It’s been worse lately and he absently wonders when Aaron will be the one picking him up at hospital. He’s got a relentless headache and his joints are constantly aching, never letting up. He wonders if that’s how that married man felt like when his wife died of cancer? But it must have been worse because Aaron is still alive, still breathing.

“Forced separation doesn’t make it worse,” he yells, swerving on the road.

It’s contrary to everything he’s read, every scientific article and lecture he could find on YouTube. He’s chosen not to be with Aaron. It can’t continue to grow worse. At some point, something has got to give.

He stops for petrol near Leeds, hands shaking too much to drive, and eats an entire bar of chocolate, trying to get his endorphins up and running. There are only two things that manages to drive the pain away just a little, two things that can shock his system into thinking he’s happy and excited – endorphins and adrenalin. He hasn’t managed to mix the two things yet, but he imagines maybe he will have an entire day without his body betraying him if he does.

He only realises his phone is ringing when the lady behind the counter tells him. “Oh right,” he says embarrassed. “Hi, Diane.”

Diane’s inviting them all for tea at the pub because Adam and Vic have returned from their honeymoon. He says yes before he can stop himself.

“Business meeting,” he answers when Diane asks why he’ll be late.

Everyone is already there when he arrives and he plops down on a chair beside Aaron, ignoring Chas’ hateful look. He grabs Aaron’s hand, hopefully hidden under the table and keeps a firm hold on it even though Aaron struggles a bit.

“You all right there?” Victoria asks worried. “You look a bit green?”

“Better now,” he says truthfully and feels his heartrate slowing.

“It must be the flu or something,” Diane says. “Aaron’s been dead sick the entire week. Not that he’ll admit to it.”

Robert can feel Aaron trying to pull away, but he won’t have it. He knows Aaron’s worse off and he hates that more than he hates fighting himself. He wishes more than anything that Aaron could have loved someone else, someone who could appreciate him the way he deserves.

He can feel Aaron shaking.

“You have to relax,” he says softly.

“I can’t,” Aaron whispers and stands up quickly, catching everyone’s attention. “Excuse me.”

Robert watches him go and stands up to follow.

“No pudding?” Chas says sharply and he sits back down.

He drinks more than he should and can’t drive home. Diane offers, but the thought of making idle conversation doesn’t suit him. Aaron doesn’t come back down. He walks home by himself, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. He crosses his arms even though it’s fifteen degrees outside and technically summer.

He’s on an empty stretch of road when things go black and he falls over.

 

\--

 

There is something vibrating.

He groans and rolls over onto his back, staring into the pitch-black sky. He wonders briefly how long he’s been lying on the side of the road, if someone had seen him and driven by him or if no one has cared enough to find him.

His phone vibrates again and he fumbles in his pocket for it. The screen's cracked, but it still works.

“Aaron,” he says weakly.

“What happened?” Aaron says angrily on the other end. “Where the hell are you?”

Robert tells him the rough estimation and Aaron promises to be there as quick as he can. Then he waits.

Ten minutes later, he finally sees the Golf’s headlights and his face breaks into a grin when he sees Aaron. Aaron pulls a blanket around his shoulders and hustles him into the car, murmuring angry words under his breath.

“Don’t be angry with me,” Robert slurs. “I hate when you’re angry with me.”

“I’m always angry with you,” Aaron says and speeds up. “What’s wrong with you? I could feel it and you weren’t answering your phone. Diane could have driven you home.”

“Stop shouting at me,” Robert yells.

“I’ll do what I like, you muppet. Your body is burning six times as many calories as it should and you barely ate anything for tea.”

“I know that,” he says annoyed. He’s read all the pamphlets the first time Aaron went to hospital and remembers vividly the headache he got from staring at all the graphs. “Are you taking me to hospital?”

“No, hotel.”

Aaron checks them into a shite hotel that’s seen better days in the sixties. The receptionist doesn’t ask any questions and so Robert doesn’t keep himself from leaning heavily onto Aaron and taking every bit of heat he can from the other body. They pulls off each other’s clothes when they get to their room and fall into each other. Robert couldn’t care less about sex and pulls Aaron into position as the little spoon, tangling their legs together.

When he falls into darkness this time, it’s welcome and calm.

He wakes the next morning, cold, but quickly hears the water turning on in the bathroom. He stares blearily around the room and fumbles through the drawers beside his bed, passing by his phone. He finds a book with a plain brown cover and fumbles onto the twenty-sixth page at random.

 

'The first mentions of soulmates existed well before the Middle Ages, especially present in Viking and Hindu lore and through old word-of-mouth myths. The Old Testament that sets the groundwork for three major religions, Christianity, Islam and Judaism, sets the premise for the clear removal of soulmates in the written word for centuries. The so called Dark Ages. It wasn't until early 1910's that scientist started exploring the marked differences in people with soulmates and people without. Mad scientist Josef Mengele of KZ camp Auswitch especially researched how soulmates reacted in several different circumstances. These included starvation, lack of sleep, distance, insomnia and so forth. Despite the hellish circumstances surrounding his research, it set the groundbreaking precedence for the 2005 Law of Compatible Lifepartners that highlighted having a soulmate is a biological impulse, thereby giving CL partners better rights in court.'

 

“What are you reading?”

Robert startles. “Nothing,” he says and puts the book away. “It’s not important.”

Aaron nods, not looking overly curious. "So..."

"Look, Aaron, just take me home, yeah?" Robert says softly. "It doesn't have to mean anything."

Aaron tries not to look stricken, but Robert can tell. He feels it. But Aaron does it, drives him home with little complaint. Maybe he's run out of things to say. There are only so many variations of 'please stay' before it starts sounding repetitious and boring. Robert's run out ways to say no, not when his body is screaming yes and they both know it.

The pub backlot is nearly full when they arrive and Aaron parks expertly beside Chas' silver-grey car.

"Remember to eat, yeah?" Aaron gruffly reminds him and he nods grimly. "It takes some of the dizziness away."

"Thanks," Robert tells him kindly and grabs one final look before getting out of the car.

The Ashton Martin is still parked where he left it, looking no worse for wear. He can hear Aaron's steps on the gravel and forces his own feet to move forward and away, but it's a process, especially because he can already feel his body rejecting his decision to leave Aaron.

It feels powerless, he thinks when he sits in the car, both hands fastened on the wheel, to be so controlled by a bodily urge his body has created for him. It's needy and weak to want to be someone else's before you're your own person. If everyone knows... He shudders and grabs his wallet from his inner pocket, pulling out the two interlocked silver bracelets. They are simple bands, no decorations of any kind and ordinary to look at. People with specific heart diseases are issued bracelets or necklaces so doctors in any kind of emergency will know what is specific about their case. Compatible Lifepartners have each other's names etched onto bracelets and a phone number that they are required to keep updated. The Law dictates that they must wear them at any given time or it will be a punishable offence.

Robert has both of theirs, given to him by an angry Aaron after his second hospy stay, and kept in his wallet, tucked away from Chrissie's prying eyes. They are cool against his palm, glittering slightly from the sunlight.

\--

"That's disgusting, Robert," Chrissie points out when he's devoured an entire chicken and gone on to the mince pies.

His appetite comes and goes in waves, but his metabolism continues to remain the same. Aaron is right, he needs to eat and preferably constantly and nearly double the amount regular people eat. The fancy pamphlets call it impulses, an impulse to eat, to have sex, to chase the feeling of completeness and to so much more.

He gives her a guilty look. "The hotel had terrible food," he tells her.

She gives him a suspicious look and he can tell she doesn't believe in his story. "If you say so."

She leaves him well alone and he's left with Lawrence's judging expression.

"What?"

Lawrence sighs. "You are going to have to come up with a better excuse, son."

Robert swallows and pushes the mince pies away. "I can't tell her," he says and that part is honest. He can't tell her.

"Tell her what?" Lawrence asks. "Robert?"

"I haven't been sleeping well," Robert says. "I'm nauseous constantly. I've been to see a doctor, taken some tests... I don't want to worry her."

Lawrence's eyes soften. "You have been looking tired lately. How worried should I be?"

Worried, Robert thinks. Very worried. "I'll be fine in no time," he says instead.

"Tell me when you hear anything," Lawrence says and gives his shoulder a tight squeeze before leaving.

\--

He dreams of dying, of falling off the quarry staring up into the night sky and feeling endlessly weightless. The water emerges quickly underneath him, but it's not cold like he absently thought it should be. It's comforting actually. Everything is easy because he can feel his end. There is nothing he needs to do, nothing he has to achieve and reach for...

Katie comes floating towards him, reaching out her lifeless pale hand for him to take.

Come with me, she mouths.

He wakes, tears streaming down his face.

Chrissie looks worried beside him, eyes kind like they haven't been for ages. "I wish you would tell me what's wrong," she says.

"I'm sorry," he says and falls back against the pillow, crossing his arms and starring at the ceiling.

"Don't be sorry," she says. "Be honest."

He doesn't tell her anything and eventually she gives up, turning her back to him. He does the same, checking his phone and seeing a text from Aaron. He's forgotten his watch as the hotel just FYI. He tries to suppress the smile on his lips and traces his fingers over Aaron's name, unable to stop the feelings inside when he's the only one awake.

He absently wonders if the dream was his or Aaron's, if the person on the quarry was Aaron remembering a night back in February where everything had seemed dull and grey, where Katie was still too fresh in their interactions with each, permeating all of their conversations and interactions. It could have been his own, falling into the abyss, unable to make a decision, to stop hurting Aaron.

\--

He goes by the backrooms, looking out for Chas, and sneaks upstairs. He feels giddy, his blood thrumming pleasantly the closer he gets to Aaron. He lifts his hand to knock, but the door opens and he's pulled inside and engulfed in a hug. He breathes in Aaron's aftershave and tightens his arms around Aaron's shoulders, trying to press them just a bit closer. He loves every inch of Aaron, the feeling he gets when their bodies are pressed together whether it be with or without a layer of clothes.

He pulls them apart just a bit and guides Aaron over to his bed. They lie down side-by-side, hands pressed together and Robert wonders what Aaron is thinking. He wants to know desperately. He knows so many things about Aaron. He knows when Aaron doesn't sleep or when his blood sucker is too low. He knows when he's excited and when the sexual frustration grows so bad he goes out to Bar West and finds a random.

Those nights are the worst and Robert spends the entire time seeing angry stars behind his eyelids, his stomach churning in disgust and want.

But Aaron's thoughts are off-limits. It's probably better that way. If Aaron knew exactly what Robert was thinking...

The door burst open and Chas barges in, headfirst, mouth halfway open before she realises exactly who is in there with her son.

"Mum!"

"Get out!" she says icily. "You are not welcome here."

His body is heavy when he sits up, his hand dragging Aaron's with him, before Aaron pulls it away embarrassed. "Fine," he bites back.

"What no bitchy comments? Not gloating?" Chas says angrily, spreading her arms.

He stands up, towering over her slightly, but she doesn't cover - she never does.

"You have some nerve showing up here like nowts the matter," she says. "Aaron doesn't deserve this!"

"Keep your voice down," Robert hisses.

"Mum, get out," Aaron says angrily. "I'm not a kid."

She snorts. "Then the both of you better stop behaving like kids, like it’s nothing. It's not just hurting you."

Robert pushes past her angrily, away from her truth and angry words. She won't say a thing, never will because of Aaron. But she'll shout at him, try to make him chose something he doesn't want. He doesn't want to hear it like the broken record she is. He wants to ignore it - like he did in the beginning.

To Solidify, soulmatevocab.org once told him, means to feel the strengthening of the soulmate potential and finally consummate it, usually done during a sexual act.

It didn't feel like a bond in the beginning, all passion and lust clouding their every interaction. But when he thinks back on it, they Solidified their bond the first time, urged on by their impulses, too drunk on irresponsibility and sneaking around. It wasn't until he started shying away from Chrissie's touches and actively seek Aaron's that he finally figured out something was different.

Chas grabs his shoulder when he reaches the backdoor and forcibly turns him around. "Listen to me," she whispers. "The next time I see you near him, I'll have Cain bind and gag you, throw you in the boot of his car and drive you, Aaron and Chrissie down the court house."

"He'll be hospitalised before that happens," Robert hisses back.

"Will he?" she says with a grim twist of her lips. "Will he really?"

He leaves the pub and its residents behind, speeding back towards Home Farm with the intentions of going through the check-list step by step to have maybe a bit of sleep.

Chrissie and Lawrence are sat waiting for him in the kitchen, both their faces grim, glasses of wine half-full.

"What?" he says nervously.

Surprisingly, Chrissie's face softens and she gets up, giving him one of those hugs he used to cherish. Now it makes him feel vaguely sick.

"Dad told me you'd gone to see a doctor," she says softly. "I'm so happy you're finally getting help. I have been really worried, Robert."

He doesn't know what to say and instead accepts the wine glass Lawrence hands him.

"I'm sorry," Lawrence says. "I had to say something."

"It's fine," Robert lies through his teeth. "It's all fine."

\--

It's somebody's birthday or something and The Woolpack bustles with life on a Thursday. Robert is tired, bone-deep tired, a bit drunk from the champagne Lawrence keeps pouring him, and weary of the way Chrissie sits so close to him. He wants to push her further away, try to create some sort of distance between them. Every time he accidentally touches anyone, even his sister, his fingers turn to ice, his veins pinching unpleasantly. He feels detached from his body, too busy trying to behave normal to focus on why he suddenly feels ten times worse than since the last time he saw Aaron.

Chrissie keeps up steady conversation with her father and a slightly worried-looking Andy who keeps shooting him looks.

It's becoming obvious then, him being 'ill'.

Is it really worth it? It's irrational, a bit, not wanting Aaron. People should love Aaron and get to know him. Everyone should once experience Aaron looking at them with love in his eyes or watch him be irrationally selfless or see him spread out on a bad stark naked with all his imperfections that's made him... he turns his thoughts away from Aaron and focuses on his wife.

At that exact moment, he just can't for the life of him find one positive thing about her. He swallows thickly and clenches his hands.

That's when he is hit by a train and he falls out of his chair and onto his hands and knees, crying out in pain and coughing up... blood? He shakes violently, feeling his heart stutter in a very wrong way.

"God! Robert? Please talk to me," he hears.

"Is that blood?"

He feels blind, not seeing the full Woolpack gather around him. He hears them, though, whispering.

"I can't breathe," he gets out, coughing up more blood.

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

Emma Barton?

"Aaron," he says instead. "Find Aaron."

"What's Aaron got to do with anything?" Lawrence.

"Chas," he tries to stand up, regaining some of his sight. Andy's holding him down. He sees the look of realisation crossing Chas' face, her horror and her panic.

He absently remembers stumbling when Aaron broke his ankle, feeling a phantom snap, and wandering the forest with Chas most of the night with flashlights in the freezing cold, knowing acutely that something was wrong.

She's shouting now, dishing out orders to her family to find her son. It doesn't matter though, not when Ross storms inside looking for his mum.

"The car came right at him out of nowhere!" he explains. "Heard his bones snap."

"Who is hurt?" Emma says confused while checking Robert's pulse.

"Aaron!"

She looks reluctant to leave him, but Robert grasps her wrists and looks her square in the eyes. "It's phantom, impulses," he explains and taps his skull. "Help him."

A look of realisation crosses her face and she stares at his wrist where his mandatory bracelet should be. She frowns but gets up with a resolute nod. He sees her following Chas outside.

He's shaking, shivering and dripping with sweat and the cobbery taste of blood is stark in his mouth.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Andy says and his grip is firm.

"Don't touch me," Robert tells him, teeth clattering. "Worse."

"Hey!" Cain shouts. "Listen to him."

Andy is shocked enough to let go.

Some of the pain lessens, but he feels alone now, completely alone.

"He's not breathing," he tries to get out through his clattering teeth.

"He's not sick, is he?"

He hears it and somehow catalogues it in the back of his mind into his 'potentially problematic' list. It's Chrissie. He wanders who answers her - must be Cain, since Chas is with her son.

"What do you mean Aaron is his soulmate?" Lawrence shouts. "He's just sick. He's been sick for ages."

”No, Lawrence,” Cain shouts louder. ”Robert is lovesick and not for your darling daughter.”

He doesn’t hear the rest of Cain’s acidic speech, too dizzy with pain to properly pay attention to anything. The next time he comes to, he’s got Chas hissing something in his ear. He mumbles out a reply, feeling her deft hands finding his wallet and something clicking into place around his wrist. He clenches his fingers, realising he’s grapping onto something solid, but a bit slippery. His eyes focus just a bit and he sees Aaron lying lifeless beside him, one leg lying at an awkward angle, bone sticking out bloodily.

“Aaron,” he says, voice clear, fastening his grip around Aaron’s hand. “Wake up.”

When the paramedics finally arrive, he’s got his bearings, sitting up but still clutching Aaron’s hand. They ask too many questions, questions about broken legs and impulses and why he won’t let anyone touch Aaron.

“It’s hurting him,” Robert tells them angrily. “It’s like needles.”

They share sharp looks with Emma, who pulls one of them aside and speaks in hushed tones.

“How long have you been Solid?” the other paramedic asks. “Mr. Sugden? Anyone?”

“That I know off, February, maybe earlier,” Chas hurriedly answers, because it’s hard getting words out that isn’t ‘please stay with me’ and ‘Aaron’.

“No,” he gets out harshly. “We solidified in December.”

“And your impulses?”

He shakes his head. “It was quick.”

\--

He sometimes thinks about Aaron in those stupid coveralls, grease on his fingertips and beard more kempt then it is now. He remembers his heart beating quicker and being so instantly attracted to this… bloke. This nobody that turned out to be somebody.

Aaron was beneath him, a thug who nicked his car and was too involved with a bloke like Ross who obviously thought he was something. Attraction is a strange thing and Aaron ticked all the boxes except one – he was too close to home.

He wakes up in hospital a week later, Aaron dead to the world beside him dressed in hospy whites and the beeping sounds of a machine signaling his heartrate. Aaron’s foot is elevated in a sling and he’s got electrodes stuck to his forehead. He’s too pale and Robert curls pinky with Aaron’s.

“Mr. Sugden?”

He startles and sees someone standing up from a chair in the corner. “Who are you?”

“I’m Doctor Hart,” the black-skinned woman in her mid-forties says with a professional smile. “I have been following you and Mr. Livesy since you were brought in last week.”

“Last week?” he says surprised.

“Mr. Livesy broke his femur in the crash,” she tells him. “But that seems to be his only actual physical injury. It is his other injuries we are more concerned about. Do you understand what I am talking about?”

Robert swallows and nods.

“It seems your bond has been under a tremendous amount of stress these last few months. I spoke to his mother and she seems to think the last time you were physically intimate was sometime in April. Ordinarily, this would not be a problem as a soulbond is a connection, not a chain. But you have been starving the bond,” she tells him in short determined sentences. “Why?”

He looks away from her and moves away just a bit from Aaron.

“Robert,” she says softly. “I need to be straight with you.”

He can’t bear the disappointment in her eyes and he doesn’t even know her.

“Your soulmate is going to die.”

She’s not lying. He can feel his connection with Aaron slipping away in the back of his mind and he hates it. He felt it when Aaron’s body gave up on the street of Emmerdale and he can tell Aaron has stopped fighting.

“I’m going to die too,” he realises and she doesn’t deny it.

Instead, she pulls out x-ray scans and tells him basic Lifepartner Science. The limpic brain that controls animal instincts, he learns, forms a need to connect with certain people, to ‘mate’ which honestly sounds like a bad movie and a bit porn-like. This means that everyone has to potential to form a soulbond, or rather, feels the impulses that begins a soulbond. He understands very little about the chemical reactions Hart tries to explain to him, only gets that when the bond is solid, there is no return and everything that happens after that will affect your soulmate as well.

After that comes love.

Or in Robert and Aaron’s case – the lovesickness.

“Lovesickness is a starvation of the bond,” she tells him. “Right now your bond is so starved that simply being near Aaron doesn’t make him better.”

She leaves him alone with the x-ray scans and he stares at the one that says ‘LIVESY, Feb ‘15’. Aaron’s mind still shone then, not yet corrupted like the newest scan with all it’s too dark corners and bleak blotches of light. He looks through the scans and doesn’t see the single piece of paper hiding under the pictures until much later.

Absolution of Marriage, the top says and states about six points for why Chrissie Sugden will no longer be his wife. He knows it should be longer, but he almost sighs in relief when he sees her signature on the dotted line. He won’t have to stand in court with her and see the solicitor read out all the reasons he won’t be married to her any longer, that all those reasons he stayed with her were for nowt the minute Aaron was hit by that car.

“Has my sister been by?” he asks Hart the next time he sees her.

Hart nods and gathers the x-rays together. “No one is allowed inside this room. Only selected staff.”

“Right,” he says and follows her movement throughout the room. “Can I see her?”

\--

Victoria looks pale when she sees him, standing up and reaching out to touch him. He instinctively evades her touch and sees the devastation on her face.

It feels a bit like prison. He’s in the same room with Aaron all day long, mostly sleeping and trying to ignore all the warning signs Aaron keeps sending. It feels like a jolt every time. Seeing Victoria is the first new thing he’s done in the two days since waking up and even then, a stern-looking nurse walked in front of him and kept any people away from his person.

“You look…” she tries to say.

He gives her a look and she sighs.

“Sorry,” she says.

They sit down on opposite sides of a sofa, as far away as possible, though he can see she’s itching to touch him.

“What happened?” he asks tentatively. He’s got no information and Hart knows nothing but essentials.

She gives him a sad look. “I won’t lie.”

“I’m not asking you too,” he tells her honestly.

“Chrissie went a bit mental,” she says uncomfortably. “Your car is, ugh, gone.”

He had suspected something the like. It still stings.

“Chas has known for months, says both you and Aaron have made each other miserable, that the lovesickness drove you both insane. Rob, I don’t understand how you can even have bonded. I didn’t even know you and Aaron were proper mates or anything.”

He laughs coolly. “Don’t need to be mates to have sex, Vic, and that we’ve done plenty.”

“Don’t be crude,” she bites. “Chrissie kept saying the only reason you kept up your charade with her, was so you could do a runner with Aaron and all her money.”

“No,” he tells her honestly, though he should have thought of that himself. He suddenly wishes he had taken that check from her when they fighting that time. So many things could have been solved. “I loved her.”

“Not anymore?”

“You can’t love anyone else but your soulmate when you’re like me,” he tells her. “Once it Solidified… Vic, Aaron is going to die.”

She cries then, big angry tears. “Paddy hasn’t left the house in days and Chas is practically sleeping in the waiting room.”

“Why isn’t she in there with her son?” Robert asks surprised.

“None of us are allowed,” she sobs. “No one would tell us anything. Doctor Hart says it’s to protect your bond, says that familial bonds can create disturbances between you and Aaron.”

“Then why are you allowed here?”

She sniffs and finds something from her purse, a stack of papers almost a centimetre wide. “It’s called shock therapy,” she says. “It’s supposed to create enough endorphins inside you to maybe shock Aaron awake.”

He accepts the stack of papers and read the first few lines, enough to understand that it’s a disclaimer, that the treatment is experimental.

“That doctor says it’s the only way,” she says. “It’s seems a bit aggressive, don’t it? Electrocuting someone awake?”

“No, actually, it does make sense,” he tells her. She looks confused and he continues explaining. “You remember when Aaron broke his ankle? Yes? Basically, if I drink a bunch of coffees, Aaron is going to be really jittery. I took a bit of pain killers to numb whatever pain he was feeling and he was able to crawl up so Chas and I could find him. Potentially, if they electrocute me, Aaron would feel enough pain from me to wake up."

Her eyes are shining while she listens to him and he forces himself to not sound too excited. He can feel it though, that Hart is onto something. Everything she explains to him, about impulses and neurology, she must have some ideas how to fix it. "Vic, please, nothing can be worse than this," he tries to explain. "Electricity is nothing compared to what I will feel if he dies. I have to do anything - everything."

"But it's your fault it's like this in the first place," she bites at him. "It's your fault Aaron won't wake up. If you hadn't been so obsessed with keeping..."

"That's enough, Mrs. Barton!" the nurse says sternly.

She sniffs loudly and a small part of him longs to reach out and touch her, but he's afraid. He wants to comfort her, just not with touch.

"Tell Chas to sign the okay on Aaron's behalf," Robert says determined. "I'm going through with it."

"She can't," Victoria says. "The law says you're the only one able to sign off on this. You're his soulmate. His life is in your hands only!"

\--

He thinks a lot about her words when he signs the papers, when they fly in a specialist from Boston, when Oxbridge comes a-knocking. He thinks about his fistful sleep, curled around Aaron's still and almost lifeless body and about how he shouldn't deserve to be responsible for anyone. He's not fit to control a decision as big and life-altering as that.

But as the days pass and he can feel himself growing weaker, he spends lethargic moments tracing Aaron's face with his fingers and considers being in Chas' position - unable to do anything for her son. He would have hated that more.

Hart preps him on the day with featherlight touches and a quick and precise competence that he admires. He sees the drip sticking out from his arm, ready to shoot steroids into his bloodstream, and wonders for a moment how long it will take before his body collapses completely. The only thing that will save him then is Aaron waking up.

He's strangely okay with, has accepted it.

The bond makes him sick, but he can't think of a world where Aaron's smile isn't the best kind, the most honest kind. Even without their need for touch, he still needed Aaron's soul, Aaron's mind. For the first time he loves Aaron without Katie hanging over their heads, without Chrissie's existence being a stab in the heart. Maybe it's always been that and he's been too blind to understand it, to see that having a soulmate is a bond, not something chaining him to someone else.

It just is.

"Are you ready?" Hart asks.

He gives her a resolute nod. "Yes."

\--


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2
> 
> Robert and Aaron navigates the soulbond after Robert puts everything on the line.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the conclusion. This awful story has been sitting in my folders since before the helicopter crash. I am so happy it's over and done with. I've really struggled on how to end this and finally just decided that Robert's own journey needed to be the focus. So have at it. Enjoy :)

\--

Aaron wakes.

It's only for a couple of minutes, a couple of disoriented minutes where he cries in pain, electrical current still running through him. 

Stay awake, Robert shouts in his head and Aaron turns his head just a bit, enough for Robert to see a smidgen of comprehension before he blacks out. 

Hart seems optimistic, excitedly noting something on her tablet while Robert shudders through the last of the current. "We did all right," she informs him kindly. "This is good news." 

Robert falls asleep with a smile on his lips and love in his heart. First time for everything and all that. 

"I want to see my mum," he hears Aaron's voice saying and he turns his head just a little, watching Aaron's pale awake face peering up at the nurse. Her name is Evie and she always brings him his car magazines. 

"I'm sorry," she says kindly. "But I have a lot of letters from her while you were comatose. Do you want to read those?" 

Robert watches him hide the letters under his pillow, dragging it as far away from the middle as possible, as far away from Robert as possible. 

"Aaron," he tries to say. 

"Don't," Aaron tells him sharply, body turned away from him. 

He might have woken, shocked awake by Robert's pain, but the bond still suffers. He cries at night when he thinks Robert won't hear, but he does hear and he does pay attention. 

"You should have let me die," Aaron whispers one very early morning. A sharp pain pierces through Robert's heart, creating a stinging in his forehead that he can't make go away. 

 

Hullo love, 

You've been in that room fifteen days now, unmovable while Robert watches over you like a guardian angel. He fights to keep you both alive, but I can't help wondering if waking you up is the right thing to do. Will you be the same if you wake up? Will your bond be so damaged that you will never be able to function properly again? Is him saving your life just to save his own? No one should live with these questions, but I do. 

You're my beautiful brave boy, who tried so hard to honour a card the fates dealt you, a card you didn't deserve. Seeing you lie so still... I should have loved you better, been more insistent. You might never wake up to read this, but I wanted to confess anyway. You deserve the truth. 

With the mightiest love on earth, 

Your mum. 

 

He manages to hide the letter before Aaron returns from the bathroom, brown hair curly from the water. He still limps, leaning on a cane, and his face still looks gaunt and tired. But he's up and moving around. Robert covets watching him like that, watching him be alive when he for so long thought that all was lost. Aaron breathes, talks sparingly and tries to do whatever physical exercises Hart gives him. 

"Were they interesting?" Aaron asks and Robert's so surprised he's talking directly to him that he just stares. "The letters? Did they say anything interesting?"

"I didn't..." Robert bites back the lie and tries again. "No one has written me any letters." 

Not even Andy. 

Aaron's expression softens and comes to sit on his side of the bed that they spend most the day and night in. 

"Your mum is wrong," Robert gathers up the courage to say. "I didn't save you for me. I saved you because I love you more than anything." 

Aaron snorts. "Funny way of showing it." 

"I'm sorry," Robert tells him softly. 

"It's not enough," Aaron says sighing. 

Robert turns to look at him fully. "Aaron, please, just..." 

"Do you ever think about the beginning?" Aaron interrupts him wistfully. 

"All the time." 

 

It's Christmas and the bustling pub disappears in the distance while Robert watches Aaron drive. He's got a stupid smile on his face and a hand placed on Aaron's thigh, slowly rubbing the inseam while Aaron fidgets slightly.

"Stop," Aaron says. 

"No," Robert remarks and moves his hand upwards, feeling the hardness. 

Aaron groans and places the hand he's not using to steer with over Robert's, pressing down harder. Robert doesn't hesitate to unbutton the nice blue trousers, lowering the zip slowly and feeling the slight wetness on Aaron's pants, right where the tip is.

The car comes to an abrupt halt and Robert lurches himself forward, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Aaron's. It's reciprocated quickly and for the first time that night, he doesn't feel like he needs to be in a hurry. It feels right having Aaron pressed against the car seat, having his hand down his pants, rubbing his thumb over the tip. 

"Let's go in the back," Aaron murmurs and Robert's laughs. 

"It's freezing outside." 

"Which is why we're not snogging up against a tree," Aaron says and catches Robert's lips in another kiss. 

"I have legs," Robert tells him and watches Aaron roll his eyes. "What, it's not often I feel like sex in a car." 

Aaron looks mock-surprised. 

"Piss off." 

It's playful and weird pulling the front seats forward before getting in the back. Robert takes a second to look around, sees the car being hidden behind a massive old tree, and decides quickly that it doesn't really matter. Aaron kissing him is important. 

He watches Aaron pull off his trousers and pants and he can't help wetting his lips. "Come here," he says when Aaron's naked waist down. They settle on the middle seat, Aaron hovering over Robert's lap and Robert can't keep his hand off, trailing over Aaron's thighs. 

It's silly when they struggle to prepare Aaron, when Robert's zipper gets stuck in his shirt and Aaron's head bumps up against the car ceiling. It's silly when their teeth clink together and Robert drops the condom because of his slippery fingers. Somehow, it's more sexy because it's fun, because he can't remember the last time he laughed this much. 

But the mood sombres when Robert presses inside. They stare at each other, arms pressed around each other's bodies, and it's special this time, Robert can feel it. They groan together, feeling connected by more than just flesh and Robert can't look away. 

 

Robert hasn't been able to look away since. 

"How did it get this far?" Aaron asks and Robert comes back from his daydream. "I don't think it's supposed to hurt this much." 

"I know it's been awful," Robert says slowly. "Doctor Hart says that the lovesickness might have been a contributing factor in our slow decline. But the truth is that it's me. I know it's me. I did it. I broke us."

Aaron burrows into his sweater, staring at him with such clear understanding eyes. 

"I convinced myself it wouldn't get worse, that if I stayed away maybe the bond would break and I wouldn't love you anymore," Robert cries because it's the truth. Aaron is the only one who ever sees him cry. "It's you, you ruined everything. Falling in love with you ruined me and... and... and it's okay. I just want you." 

"You can't just say you hate me," Aaron says, voice wavering. "And love me in the same breath. It's not fair to me." 

"I don't hate you." 

"Of course you hate me. Why else would you allow this to happen? It feels like hate to me."

Robert presses his hands to his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts. It's useless. "I felt you dying," he says. 

"Because you drove me to it!" 

"Aaron, please listen," he says, voice wrecked. "I felt you dying and I realised that it I shouldn't have been the one in charge of your life. You're right, I did drive you to it. But by law, I was the only person able to make that choice, so I chose to choose you, above Chrissie, above your mum... over Katie. I chose that you lived because your family and friends shouldn't be without you. I don't care about me, but you - God, Aaron, I love you." 

Aaron cries too now, angry red tears that Robert wants to wipe away. Instead, he stretches his hand out onto the madras, opening it in invitation, saying silently that he is here, that he is present. It feels like hours, but finally Aaron's moves forward and closes his own hand around Robert's. 

Nothing has been fixed. But it's been said and Robert feels like that's important too. 

\--

Day four since Aaron woke and they've finally managed to drive each other insane. Aaron's itching to leave, to see his family, but Hart won't let them. Not until - she looks uncomfortable when she brings it up - they strengthen the bond. 

"Have a shag, you mean," Aaron tells her crudely. "That's what you're saying, right?" 

"Yes," she coughs. "The accelerated heartbeat will create enough endorphins in your brain to see exactly how your brains are faring. I'm sorry."

"This is perfect," Aaron says angrily when she's left. 

"She's only trying to help," Robert says calmly. 

"It's a science to her and, tell you what, I'm not a lab rat. Why can't we just go home?" 

"Because you still cry in your sleep," Robert shouts and Aaron stares at him shocked. "So far I've done everything she's asked and she's been right every time. So, shut it and let her help!" 

Aaron huffs annoyed, but whatever fight he had been gearing towards leaves him and he sits down in front of their recently acquired telly. "Here then," he says and throws a controller at Robert. "Might as well play some FIFA." 

It surprises Robert that he manages to forget that Aaron has thoughts and feelings like any other regular human being. He isn't just a feeling in his gut, telling him he needs Aaron more than he needs air. Aaron is a solid human being - and most importantly, no longer comatose. Suddenly, they are two people sharing the space in their recovery room, sharing the same tiny closet, the same bathroom and bed. 

They argue passively, too afraid of a relapse to do more than hiss a few biting words at each other. And they go to bed in separate sides of the bed, still sharing the same space, but far enough to that they won't have to breathe the same air. 

Robert supposes there is a point to their incarceration though, that there is a reason why they are treated as prisoners with a stern-looking nurse pushing disgusting nutritional rich slop onto a plate and into their room. 

When they've managed to win several FIFA tournaments a couple of times and then moving into Call of Duty, their interests turn toward various variations of poker and finally - towards chess. 

"Bloody hell," Aaron says annoyed when he's been checkmated again. 

Robert smiles smugly. "It's not my fault you've got the patience of a toddler." 

"That's rich coming from you," Aaron teases back and smiles almost genuine-like. "You're like the king of rushed decisions." 

"I didn't rush wanting to kiss you, not that first time, not later when you were seeing that customer at the garage," Robert tells him honestly. 

Aaron flushes and looks away, making a sudden rush of arousal rush through his body. And for the first time, he can't decipher if it's his or Aaron's. Maybe it's them both, wanting something that they aren't quite ready for yet. 

Aaron never surrenders his king, always preferring to get the game started again or mix it up with one of his numerous card games. It's the most important piece, Robert thinks, and though the game is lost, Aaron is still the only one who can say the words. The decision was ripped from his hand the moment he chose Chrissie and his luxurious lifestyle. Aaron resettles strategically and strikes back, not always with a lot of precision, but with fire in his blood. 

Robert loves that about him. 

\--

"Call me Rebecca," the very young woman says, giving them both a smile designed to make them feel at ease. 

Aaron looks at her sceptically and Robert looks at him. They're sat on the sofa, shifted around slightly away from the telly and towards the comfortable-looking office chair the shrink dragged with her. Aaron had resisted, but Hart hadn't taken any prisoners and he's sat in the sofa too, just as Robert is. 

"The purpose of this particular session," she explains. "Is for you to relearn why you fancied each other in the first place. This might sound a bit redundant, but understanding that your soulmate bond didn't come out of nothing is a very important part in healing. Especially because your bond is as damaged as it is. Does that make sense?" She looks at them expectantly. 

"Of course," Robert says and sees Aaron shrugging beside him. He's never done any counselling, but he knows Aaron has. Jackson is and always will be a massive thing inside his head. 

"You know Doctor Hart wants us to have sex," Aaron tells her bluntly. "Having sex got us into this mess in the first place and now you're here trying to make us talk about our feelings. I'd rather sit through another lecture on the limbic brain." 

Robert can't help but agree. 

"Do you know when the word infatuation originated?" Rebecca says. 

"No," Robert says, answering for them both. 

"In the Middle Ages," she says. "That particular period of time was a dark period for a lot of things, also for the word soulmate. It was counterproductive to feel attraction to the same sex when there is a plague wiping you out. So, words like infatuation came about and soulmate and true love vanished. But it doesn't change the fact that infatuation is an impulse based on attraction. So Aaron, what attracted you to Robert?" 

"He came onto me," Aaron says spitefully. 

"Not what I asked," Rebecca says. 

Robert admires her directness, cutting through shite that both he and Aaron are masters of. 

"His stubbornness," he speaks up instead, watching Aaron and Rebecca's staring match coming to an end. Robert can't tell Rebecca about raiding his own home, trying to earn the approval of a man that was at once his boss, then his father-in-law. Now Lawrence is nothing, nothing but an adversary that he has an inkling is going to be formidable. Aaron proved himself that day and the days after, stubborn in his principles and loyal to what he thought was right. 

"He doesn't let me get away with things," he says truthfully and it feels nice coming out of his mouth. "He's loyal, sarcastic... he's got a best friend who doesn't give a toss about him, but Aaron, he's always there, always giving him support. Adam doesn't deserve that kind of love." 

"Are you jealous of this Adam?" Rebecca asks. 

"Aaron deserves someone who will love him back," Robert says and looks at Aaron. "Adam is a big dump lump..." 

"Shut up about Adam!" Aaron shouts and they both shiver uncomfortably as a stab of pain shoots through them. 

Rebecca gives them both a stern look. "Let's leave Adam out for now. I'm curious, Robert. What kind of love do you believe Aaron deserves?" 

Robert stares at an angry looking Aaron until he sits down again, crossing his arms in defiance. "What do you want me to say?" he asks Rebecca. 

"Anything you want," she urges and he sighs. 

"Someone who is loyal," he finally settles on. 

Aaron looks interested and probably despite himself. 

"You don't consider yourself loyal?" she asks. 

"I was married until two weeks ago. I haven't been loyal to him at all," Robert tells her. 

"You're not married anymore?" Aaron asks surprised. 

Robert shakes his head no.

"Due to the nature of the soulbond, any previous marriages must absolved immediately when the bond first shows signs of existing. It's the law," Rebecca helpfully says. 

"I wanted to throw up every time I got near her," Robert adds. "I kept dreaming about going down to absolve the marriage and... and I think I would have done it if this hadn't happened. I think I would have gotten there." 

He tries to tell Aaron the truth, the whole truth about what he felt that last month when everything started to blur together and he spent every night restless and awake from feeling too much. Despite himself, Aaron listens - Robert can see he does attentively.

The next couple of therapy sessions are better. For the first time, they communicate their hurt and the basic reasons for why things went too far. They don't talk about Katie, but it lies there underneath it all understood but not spoken about. They can't. Hart might forgive a lot, but possibly not this. 

At some point, they don't even need Rebecca to urge them forward. They spend their nights talking, whispering and moving closer and closer. It's electrifying feeling this close to anyone, no outside forces disturbing them while they... bond for lack of better word. Robert loves it, feels high on being able to show that much affection towards one single person. He knows Aaron fancies him, he knows Aaron won't leave. They can't leave and somehow that makes all the difference. 

"They way I see it," Doctor Hart says after another MRI scan. "Robert made the decision to keep you both alive. That has to mean something." 

Robert sneaks a glance Aaron's way, but Aaron is nodding along. 

"I'm glad you're both still here," she says. "I'm glad you're both allowing this." 

"Maybe... maybe... we can maybe help someone else," Aaron stutters. 

It's marvellous how Aaron can find it in himself to care about others while he's in such a bad way. It's selfless and a lot like the Aaron Robert fancies most. 

That night he falls asleep with Aaron tucked into his arm, hot breath tickling his ear. He spends an hour stroking the veins in Aaron's left hand while Aaron sleeps. It's a matter of trust, Robert knows, that Aaron is allowing him this comfort. It's the biggest declaration of trust Aaron has shown since waking up. 

\--

He groans long and deep, finally gaining enough consciousness to realise exactly what's going on. He fists his hand in Aaron's hair and pulls him upward. Aaron replaces his mouth with his hand instead and meets Robert's lips in a bruising kiss. Robert's heart surges and he pulls them around, Aaron stumbling onto the bed while Robert hovers over him. 

"You're ruining my surprise," Aaron mumbles when Robert leans in to kiss his neck. 

"I love you, you fool," Robert says and they smile stupidly at each other. 

They lie face-to-face when Robert pushes into Aaron, strong thighs locked around his waist and foreheads locked together in an intense staring battle. He feels blinded and stronger, stronger than he's felt in months. He can feel the nauseous-feeling that's been his constant companion for such a long time disappear when he thrusts into this human being that he loves. And he loves Aaron so much. 

They come together, driven over the edge together and it feels like hours before they're calmed down enough from the high of being that close again. 

"I like seeing you like this again," Robert tells his other half and Aaron grins. 

"I don't feel sick anymore," he boasts happily. 

Robert sneaks his arm around Aaron's shoulders and pulls him closer. "Basically, I've got a magic dick." 

Aaron snorts into his neck amused. "No one's willy is that magical."

They giggle like a pair of girls, watching the sun set outside their little enclave, removed from the world, but still very much alive. 

Doctor Hart thankfully is too professional to gloat when Aaron mentions that maybe doing a couple of scans wouldn't be a bad idea when she comes around to check on them later that day. She can't keep her satisfaction inside, though, when she asks Aaron to hand her her cuppa and he does without flinching. 

Robert isn't sure he's seen Aaron touching anybody but Robert since he woke up, the strain in the bond forcibly making him shy away from other kinds of touch. It's feels like such a step in the right direction that Robert begins crying the exact moment Aaron does. 

"Stop it," Robert says. 

"You stop," Aaron says. 

"I'll cry too if you like," Hart says and they all laugh through their tears.

\--

They brush up against each other when they walk, their pinkies touching. Robert keeps catching Aaron looking, a goofy smile on his face and knows his face must be doing the same. 

"I'll be right next door," Robert mumbles into Aaron's neck and they step away from each other with a final nod, a determined nod, that says they're both there to strengthen the bond, not create new tensions. 

"The biggest threat to your new status quo is outside forces," Rebecca mentions in one of their sessions. "Hart has allowed a visit each and it has to be your closest familial bond." 

"My mum," Aaron had said after a while. "I want my mum." 

Initially, Robert is surprised by that choice, because Paddy would have been the most obvious choice. But then he remembers lying some nights wishing his mum was there, more than any other, more than his dad. Sometimes, mum is best. 

"Victoria," he said for himself and Rebecca nodded. 

"I'll contact them and brief them individually," she had said and that had been that.

It felt like days before it could finally happen and Robert could feel Aaron growing more agitated by each day. It's finally here, both of them stood outside the door with the closest familial bond they have and facing up to what happens next. 

Vic's hair is longer and down for a change. He's never been more happy to see her. 

"You look beautiful," he says honestly and she beams happily. 

"God, Rob, you look so much better," she says through tears. "How are you?" 

They sit down close, but apart, and tells her about the decision to shock Aaron awake, how long they both spent fighting to stay awake and not succumb back into the easy darkness of death. 

"It sounds poetic," he says embarrassed. "I don't know how else to describe it." 

"It sounds like you fought hard for what you believed in," she says proudly. "When can you go home?" 

"Soon," he says even though he doesn't have any idea where he's supposed to live. He's no longer welcome at Home Farm. His car is lost to flames and his clothes probably the same. But home is Aaron and with Aaron comes Emmerdale and the Dingles and the gossip. It doesn't feel as daunting as he feels like it should. "We are still Solidifying the bond." 

"Ew," his baby sister says, scrunching up her face. "I know what that means."

He laughs at her. 

"No, for real, you're still here because you're having state-mandated intercourse?" she says. 

"That sounds even worse," he says scandalised. 

"It did, dinnit?" 

"Cheeky girl." 

"I miss you," she says suddenly serious. "Everything is still all weird back home. You've been in here almost three months and no one really knows how you and Aaron bonded in the first place. You were strangers and then suddenly soulmates for life. It's still odd. It's Aaron, baby-faced Aaron with his round chubby cheeks that you didn't care one lick for the last time you were around." 

"I don't think it works that way," he comments. 

"I know it doesn't and I feel like me and Adam have done every conceivable research you can do, just trying to understand," she says. "Doctor Hart hardly tells us anything, because she's working under oath." 

"It's very personal, bonding," Robert says. "Half the things she makes us do would make you crawl away. It's not sexy in the least. We lie in that bloody room day in and day out and just the thought of being around someone else makes me want to throw up."

"It's better now thought, with the bond stronger," Vic asks hesitantly. "I want to be able to give you a hug one day." 

"I miss you, too," he reveals. "But I need to make this work with Aaron." 

"Then keep on doing what you're doing, Rob," she tells him softly. "Fight for what you believe in." 

He gives her a small grateful smile. "I would hug you if I could." 

"I know."

-

They find their way back to each other. Or in a more metaphorical sense - they have found each other in every possible way. With Aaron's visit with his mum comes the offer to let them both stay in the pub to further recuperate, Chas temporarily moving into Debbie's house and Diane into Vic's. 

"Doctor Hart talked to me mum about it," Aaron says when they are lying in bed later that night. "It's best if it's just the two of us in the beginning." 

"I have to find a job," Robert groans, but he doesn't miss the look on Aaron's face. "What?" 

"That all you care about?" 

Robert sits up in bed. "No," he says affronted. 

Aaron is lying on his back, arms crossed and watching the ceiling. "Could've fooled me."

"Don't twist my words," Robert says. 

"Right," Aaron huffs out. "I'm not Chrissie. I can't offer you a job or money or anything really." 

Robert rolls his eyes. "You think that's all I care about?" 

Aaron looks at him pointedly. 

"Aaron, I just saved your life," Robert says, disappointed all of a sudden that he's still given off that impression to Aaron. He doesn't want that.

"Out of obligation," Aaron huffs and crosses his arms. 

"Why are you being so insecure all of a sudden?" Robert says, suddenly realising Aaron's behaviour for what it is. 

Aaron rolls his eyes. "I'm not."

Robert tilts his head. 

"Yeah, all right, maybe I am," Aaron admits. "It's all right when it's just the two of us, innit? But when we go back..." 

Robert leans down and kisses him, resting a hand on Aaron's cheek. Aaron sighs into it and lets Robert shower him with affection, an affection that flows through them both, making them both tingle like a sort of conjoined being. When they share the same air like this, Robert can no longer tell where he begins and Aaron ends. 

And it's just how he wants it. 

\--

Doctor Hart signs them out on the 23rd of December, almost six months after the accident. Rebecca the Shrink helps pack the taxi and offers them both a handshake and a nod before wishing them both well. 

"Call me anytime," she says and Robert sees the icy look she sends his way before turning on her heels. He can't blame her. 

Hart is as imposing as the first time he saw her explaining in clinical details that he and Aaron were going to die. But he's seen her several times a day for months now, sat for more tests than he cares to remember and he feels like he shares a certain bond with her. 

"We made it to the other side," he tells her with a smile. 

Her dark curly hair is tied back and her white lab coat cuts an imposing figure. "No, you did, Robert," she says. 

He wants to hug her - in theory - thanking her for everything she has done for him, making him realise things about himself that he never would have known otherwise. He learned that the soulbond doesn't come out of nothing, that his love for Aaron was instantaneous and all-encompassing. And for the first time in his life, it feels like he is completely true to himself. 

"Have a good life," Hart says to them both. "You've got a check-up in a week. I don't want to see either of you back here before that or in any sort of hospital for that matter." 

Aaron snorts from his place in the wheelchair, his femur still playing up as a sort of reminder that while their bond might be strong, it's still wavering, still rebuilding the tear. Robert has a feeling that it will get worse before it gets better, that it's going to ache for days while they acclimate to village life again and being around familial bonds. 

"Come on," he tells Aaron and grabs his wrist, pulling him upwards and into his side. Aaron puts his arm around Robert's waist and Robert deposits him inside the taxi that is waiting for them. 

"Thank you, Doctor Hart," he tells her one last time and she nods with a small smile. 

"See you on Friday, Mr. Sugden," she says and he jumps into the taxi beside Aaron. 

"Where to?" the taxi driver asks. 

For a short second Robert is tempted to burst out the airport. Run, run like the wind, something inside him says. But Aaron is leaning against him and Robert can see the tiny smile on his lips, can feel that certain flutter inside him that means Aaron is content and Robert wants him to be remain that way. Plenty of time to see the world later. 

"Emmerdale village," he tells the taxi driver. 

He's done making the wrong decisions. 

 

(End 7-1-16)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in tumblr as well as reinacadeea. Come and have a chat. Please leave kudos and a comment. They make writing much easier. Much love :)

**Author's Note:**

> Throws me a comment or a little bit of Christmas kudos :) thank you. I'm on tumblr as reinacadeea as well. Hugs and happy #1yearofrobron


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